


Cold Exterior, Pure Of Heart

by Anglachel54



Series: You Are The Father! [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bilbo Remains In Erebor, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bilbo Is Awesome, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mpreg, Post BotFA, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anglachel54/pseuds/Anglachel54
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them."<br/>-Leo Tolstoy</p><p>[A glimpse into Dwalin and Bilbo's marriage. With Dwalin's oncoming pregnancy, the dwarf finds it hard to cope when he has so many other things that tear at his mind. PTSD!Mourning!Dwalin heals slowly but surely with the help of his hobbit husband.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Exterior, Pure Of Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello & sorry for the wait! My muse decided to leave me for several weeks and refused to return until today....she's so heartless T_T  
> (Plus, I was sick :x)
> 
> The soundtrack, 'Kingsfoil' from the Desolation of Smaug {Y'know, it plays when Tauriel heals Kili} was on repeat the entire time I was writing this because it's just such a lovely piece. It can apply to any pairing (not just Kiliel) and it helped with my mood which contributes a lot to when I'm writing.
> 
> Enjoy and sorry again for being a lazy bum. :3

_He did it again_ , Dwalin sighed, watching as the door closed behind Bilbo with a soft click.

It wasn’t Bilbo’s fault he was on edge. It’s just...there was never a time that Dwalin wasn’t on his feet. He needed to keep moving, to train or scout until he dropped from pure exhaustion alone…

 _Impossible to do now_ , the dwarf scowled half-heartedly down at his stomach. His belly was swollen, the skin stretched tight over the the growing bump that held the product of he and Bilbo’s love.

_Love._

Who knew that he, Dwalin, son of Fundin and the fiercest Guardsman of the King, would ever think such a feeling would encompass him at the mere mention of a being. Although, now that he thought of it, he always wanted his hobbit by his side but ever since he had gotten pregnant, his damn hormones got in the way by being a complete mess.

He’d be blubbering one minute in Bilbo’s arms and then threatening to cut off said hobbit’s balls if he ever tried to touch him again.  
{Bilbo, of course, took it all in stride and was an endless sea of patience which Dwalin was grateful for everyday.}

  
The dwarf decided it was best to get some sleep at this point - knowing his hobbit, he would leave Dwalin alone until he called for him. He grabbed one of Bilbo’s pillows for his head and placed several others under his stomach, shifting to his side, Dwalin drifted to sleep.

**  
  
**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 ***** Dream begins*

 

_Brief moments of his life flashed before his eyes._

_Growing up in Erebor with Balin and Thorin… The heat of Smaug’s fire… The seemingly endless days of wandering… and then…_

**The war drums sounding.**

**Screams…**

**Clanging of swords....**

**The metallic taste of blood…**

**  
  
**

_No, No, No, Dwalin whimpered, and choked as he opened his eyes to see the battlefield before him._

__

_**Azanulbizar**._

_The mere mention of its name had Dwalin’s breath quicken and his body tense. It took him a moment to realise he was amidst all of this, fighting on auto-pilot and tearing down orcs easily. Going through each defensive stance was easy, parrying and thrusting his sword against his foes was familiar and with a quick glance, he could see to his side his brother fighting alongside their father._

__

_Their father…Dwalin hastily threw his next opponent away as he searched for his father amongst the battle and shook with relief to see Fundin’s braids swinging fiercely, his beads glinting in the late sun as he swung at another orc, swiftly dispatching his enemies. He caught his father’s eye in that moment and nearly wept when those familiar brown eyes crinkled in amusement as he sent his son an encouraging nod before engaging in another melee._

_With newfound rigour, Dwalin threw himself into the heat of the battle letting out a fearsome roar and charged at the incoming enemy._

__

_Time passed as the battle continued and Dwalin fought with every ounce of strength he had - not stopping until the blaring of horns caught his attention and his new King and shieldbrother, Thorin raised his sword in triumph. Off in the distance, he could see the fleeing orcs and began the task of finding his brother._

_Fear squeezed his heart as he searched for his brother, trying his best to avoid the piles of dead, calling out Balin’s name and he wept openly when he spotted Balin. He raced to him, wondering why his brother was kneeling….and then he saw..Fundin._

_  
An array of orcs lay around his broken body and Balin cradled their father tenderly as if their roles were suddenly reversed._

_Falling to his knees before them, Dwalin let out a cry of rage, of despair, screaming his grief to the world._

__

**Why couldn’t he have been able to save him? Mahal, why?!**

***** End of nightmare *****

~~~~~~~~

Dwalin gasped out forced breaths as he awoke with a start, sweating profusely. He covered his tear-streaked face with his trembling hands as he tried to calm down but the dream had felt so _real_.  
  


How could he move on after seeing so much death? How could he breath when the stench of death lingered? They speak of victories but they never speak of the foul stench…Or how the open eyes of the dead stare up vacantly so alike to the dead fish that spooked him as a child as they lay out in the markets.  
  


With enormous effort, Dwalin physically shook himself from such thoughts as the babe shifted in him restlessly, sensing his Sire’s distress and wiped away his tears. He closed his eyes again as he laid out on his back and tried to rein in his emotions.

He tried his best to replace the guilt and sadness with thoughts of happier times.  
 _Fili and Kili’s birth...A drunken Thorin tripping into the Elf-King’s lap at Kili's wedding to the elf-maid...His own wedding day_ …

  
 ** _Bilbo_**.  
  


By some strange power, Dwalin could feel himself slowly relax at the thought of his husband. The images of death and destruction turned into rolling green hills and gut-busting suppers. The ache in his heart lessened at the thought of Bilbo’s bright smile...and the stench of Azanulbizar left him completely as the sweet scent of pipeweed wafted into the room.

Opening his eyes, Dwalin blinked up into the dark room and did a fine impression of a tortoise as he struggled out of bed. He waddled through the hall following the smell of pipeweed to the sitting room and there, in his favourite armchair smoking a pipe, was his hobbit.

Bilbo looked up at him as he paused in the doorway and smiled sadly, stamping out his pipe before saying, “You once told me that the smell of pipeweed helps when you can’t sleep.”

“That was a while ago, lad. And we were drunk at the time,” Dwalin blinked, and allowed himself to be led by the hobbit to the large chaise in the corner.

“But it helps?” Bilbo asked, he fixed the pillows before he lay down, Dwalin soon following as he pressed back against his hobbit, who spooned him from behind. The silence was comforting as Bilbo wrapped them both in a blanket and Dwalin shifted slightly, moving a few pillows to support his belly while finding solace in Bilbo’s arms.

“Aye, it does.” He finally answered sleepily and chuckled when his One only pressed a soft kiss to his neck in response.

**  
  
  
**

Not long after they both slipped into peaceful slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> *sobbles* Bilbo being sweet to Dwalin makes me tear up....
> 
> Anyway, time to tie up some loose ends:
> 
> -I have this headcanon that most of the company suffers from PTSD and I think it's not hard to see Dwalin as not just this hard, warrior dwarf but a being who is hurt and cautious due to circumstances beyond his control and he struggles with it. Being pregnant just heightens that and Bilbo being who he is, sees the strength in that and does his best to be there for Dwalin. Because who is there to back up the warrior when everyone looks to him for security? *whispers* Bilbo~
> 
> -I did a bit research on PTSD, made a ton of notes and tried to make sure that I could find the right headspace for Dwalin and remain true to the fact that mental health/support isn't something that dwarves really see as a thing I guess...or better yet, something most of middle earth is unaware of..{Apart from Elrond's B&B lol}...I also took notes on the stages of grief/mourning but I also drew from my own experiences. Like Dwalin, I lost my father and in a way, I guess I kind of projected myself in the moments that he mourns. In saying that, Dwarves are this rough and tumble race and I think they soldier on despite the hurt; be it physically, mentally or emotionally. I wouldn't recommend this and I urge those who are hurting to reach out to someone. Don't let things fester inside you, my friend - it doesn't help. 
> 
> -Also I kept thinking back on that flashback moment in AUJ when Balin's recounting the Battle of Azanulbizar and somewhere between Thorin's heroic deeds, we see Balin and Dwalin comforting each other amongst the dead - that was stuck in my mind and as we know, Fundin fell during this battle and became part of the 'Burned Dwarves'.
> 
> -Annnnd yes, everyone's still alive. Kili ended up marrying Tauriel {I'm not an avid shipper for this pair but I do get why people cheer these two on}, Thorin has repressed feelings for Thranduil (hahahaha I laughed when I added that part but hey, have you seen the looks these two give each other...it's like eye-sex lmao), and Bilbo and Dwalin had a cute little Hobbit/Dwarf wedding with Dwalin somehow ending up as the 'bride' and being given away by a teary eyed Balin. Gandalf, of course, carried out the ceremony for the hobbit parts; Thorin for the dwarven ones.
> 
> Alright! Hope you enjoyed this update and I'll do my best to update again real soon~


End file.
